The Ventriloquist
02-02-2005, 01:59 PM
#81
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Location: Houston, Texas
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My Ride: COMING!! 2006 M5 - December build - January delivery.
2004 530i - Silver Gray Metallic; Black Leather; Premium Pkg; Premium Sound Pkg; Cold Weather Pkg; Steptronic; Comfort Seats; Glass Moonroof; Rear Side Airbags; Adaptive Bi-xenon; Euro Rear Reflectors - Delivered 12/3/03
2003 M3 - Carbon Black Metallic; Black Leather; Premium Pkg; Park Distance Control; Xenon; Hardon-Kardon; Alum Int. Trim; SMG - Delivered 2/17/03
A blonde with two red ears went to the doctor. She explained: "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang. Instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" exclaimed the doctor in horror. "But ... what happened to your other ear?"
"The jerk called back."
"Oh Dear!" exclaimed the doctor in horror. "But ... what happened to your other ear?"
"The jerk called back."
02-02-2005, 02:55 PM
#83
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Dublin, Eire
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My Ride: Collected Sept 2009 - BMW E90 M3, Silverstone II, Novillo Black leather, 19" M Double-Spoke alloys, High Beam Assist, Electronic Damper Control, Voice Control, PDC, USB, DAB, High Gloss Shadowline, Sliding armrest, Trim Finishing in aluminium grey.
Originally Posted by pbsaj' date='Feb 2 2005, 11:59 PM
A blonde with two red ears went to the doctor. She explained: "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang. Instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" exclaimed the doctor in horror. "But ... what happened to your other ear?"
"The jerk called back."
"Oh Dear!" exclaimed the doctor in horror. "But ... what happened to your other ear?"
"The jerk called back."
[snapback]86202[/snapback]
Another blonde went to a doctor with a bad back which she got from ironing. When asked to explain, she said she fell off the stepladder while ironing the curtains....
02-02-2005, 06:33 PM
#84
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Location: Houston, Texas
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My Ride: COMING!! 2006 M5 - December build - January delivery.
2004 530i - Silver Gray Metallic; Black Leather; Premium Pkg; Premium Sound Pkg; Cold Weather Pkg; Steptronic; Comfort Seats; Glass Moonroof; Rear Side Airbags; Adaptive Bi-xenon; Euro Rear Reflectors - Delivered 12/3/03
2003 M3 - Carbon Black Metallic; Black Leather; Premium Pkg; Park Distance Control; Xenon; Hardon-Kardon; Alum Int. Trim; SMG - Delivered 2/17/03
This blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He though she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the note.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman said, "Pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs."
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman said, "Pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs."
02-03-2005, 11:27 AM
#87
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Location: Dublin, Eire
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My Ride: Collected Sept 2009 - BMW E90 M3, Silverstone II, Novillo Black leather, 19" M Double-Spoke alloys, High Beam Assist, Electronic Damper Control, Voice Control, PDC, USB, DAB, High Gloss Shadowline, Sliding armrest, Trim Finishing in aluminium grey.
02-03-2005, 12:11 PM
#88
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Location: White Plains, NY
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My Ride: 2008 550, Carbon Black Metallic, Natural Brown Dakota Leather, Sport Package, Sport Automatic Transmission, Cold Weather Package, Power Rear and Manual Side Sun Shades, etc.
Retired - 2004 545 SMG, Black Sapphire Metallic, Auburn Dakota Leather, Cold Weather and Sports Packages, Power Rear and Manual Side Sun Shades
A blonde woman is driving a Porsche. She sees another blonde woman with a Porsche that has broken down on the side of the road. She stops to ask what's wrong. The owner of the broken Porsche said, "I just had a look under the hood, well, while I was driving somebody had stolen the
engine."
The other said, "Oh, don't wory, I have a spare one in the back."
engine."
The other said, "Oh, don't wory, I have a spare one in the back."
02-03-2005, 02:04 PM
#90
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My Ride: Collected Sept 2009 - BMW E90 M3, Silverstone II, Novillo Black leather, 19" M Double-Spoke alloys, High Beam Assist, Electronic Damper Control, Voice Control, PDC, USB, DAB, High Gloss Shadowline, Sliding armrest, Trim Finishing in aluminium grey.
A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed:
"But I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother".
The man arched an eyebrow "Anything?" he asked.
"Yes,yes, anything" the blonde promised.
"Well then, just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door" the man said. She did. He then said
"Now get on your knees".She did.
"Now take down my zipper". She did.
"Now go ahead take it out" he said
She reached it and grabbed it with both hands ... then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered "Well..go ahead". The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, tentatively said...
"Hello, mum can you hear me?"
"But I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother".
The man arched an eyebrow "Anything?" he asked.
"Yes,yes, anything" the blonde promised.
"Well then, just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door" the man said. She did. He then said
"Now get on your knees".She did.
"Now take down my zipper". She did.
"Now go ahead take it out" he said
She reached it and grabbed it with both hands ... then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered "Well..go ahead". The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, tentatively said...
"Hello, mum can you hear me?"