The Ventriloquist
#101
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My Ride: COMING!! 2006 M5 - December build - January delivery.
2004 530i - Silver Gray Metallic; Black Leather; Premium Pkg; Premium Sound Pkg; Cold Weather Pkg; Steptronic; Comfort Seats; Glass Moonroof; Rear Side Airbags; Adaptive Bi-xenon; Euro Rear Reflectors - Delivered 12/3/03
2003 M3 - Carbon Black Metallic; Black Leather; Premium Pkg; Park Distance Control; Xenon; Hardon-Kardon; Alum Int. Trim; SMG - Delivered 2/17/03
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A cute blond girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me:
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 ! That's good, innit?"
"Yes darling, very good."
"Is that because I'm blond?"
"Yes darling, it's because you're blond."
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says:"Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me:
A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! That's good,innit?"
"Yes darling,very good."
"Is that because I'm blond, mummy?"
"Yes darling it's because you're blond."
Next day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming, and well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 38Ds at her mum.
"Is that because I'm blond, mummy?"
"No darling, it's because you're 27."
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 ! That's good, innit?"
"Yes darling, very good."
"Is that because I'm blond?"
"Yes darling, it's because you're blond."
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says:"Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me:
A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! That's good,innit?"
"Yes darling,very good."
"Is that because I'm blond, mummy?"
"Yes darling it's because you're blond."
Next day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming, and well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 38Ds at her mum.
"Is that because I'm blond, mummy?"
"No darling, it's because you're 27."
#102
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Originally Posted by pbsaj' date='Feb 5 2005, 06:49 AM
"No darling, it's because you're 27."
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Brilliant
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#105
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Q. What's the difference between government bonds and blondes?
A. Bonds mature.
A. Bonds mature.
#106
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Originally Posted by alohalc' date='Feb 5 2005, 06:48 PM
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[snapback]87110[/snapback]
She says, "Why, officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out." She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side."
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it? "She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She phoned the police at once and reported the crime. The dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."
#107
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Location: Houston, Texas
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My Ride: COMING!! 2006 M5 - December build - January delivery.
2004 530i - Silver Gray Metallic; Black Leather; Premium Pkg; Premium Sound Pkg; Cold Weather Pkg; Steptronic; Comfort Seats; Glass Moonroof; Rear Side Airbags; Adaptive Bi-xenon; Euro Rear Reflectors - Delivered 12/3/03
2003 M3 - Carbon Black Metallic; Black Leather; Premium Pkg; Park Distance Control; Xenon; Hardon-Kardon; Alum Int. Trim; SMG - Delivered 2/17/03
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Sorry - Forgot to register above :bashwall:
#109
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My Ride: Collected Sept 2009 - BMW E90 M3, Silverstone II, Novillo Black leather, 19" M Double-Spoke alloys, High Beam Assist, Electronic Damper Control, Voice Control, PDC, USB, DAB, High Gloss Shadowline, Sliding armrest, Trim Finishing in aluminium grey.
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Run for your lives - This thread is about to crash due to overloading....
Elevator Ride
A blonde & brunette are in an elevator. On the third floor a man gets in who looks perfect -- 3-piece suit, great build, nice butt. The bad part is they both noticed he had dandruff. The man got off on the 5th floor.
Once the doors closed, the brunette turned to the blonde and said, "Someone should give him Head & Shoulders."
To which the blonde replied, "How do you give Shoulders?"
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#110
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haha, some of these are great. I would contribute, but I only have women jokes, no blonde jokes. And I think my women jokes would offend some of our female members.