Almost everything has a price: concert tickets, milk, even history. If you have at least $138,275 to spend on a car, you can buy an important piece of the BMW legacy: the 2015 30th Anniversary Edition M5.

For those of you who have been screaming, “BMW is losing its way!”, sharpening pitchforks and what not, the i8 may be your idea of the perfect thing to burn in effigy. It’s a hybrid, automatic, AWD. It’s not an E30 M3 — gasp! But in my brief ride up a canyon with Mr. Harris, I felt a chassis that is eager to turn, corners very flat, and felt quite fast, even without thousands of horsepower. Imagine that. A bit “BMW” of them, don’t you think?

For people who love to cook/prepare food, cutting a pineapple is rather tedious … total preparation time is 30 minutes. For people like me who despise preparing their own food, the mere thought of cutting a pineapple is a pain in the ass as royal as Queen Elizabeth’s butt print on the throne. Thankfully, there are easier ways to make a pineapple ready for human consumption, and the best part of this easier process is that you can use an E60 BMW M5 as your “cutting tool”.

A few weeks ago, there were murmurings that a 9 Series concept was on its way to the Beijing Auto Show. BMW did not disappoint. It offered attendees a glimpse at roundel products to come with the Vision Future Luxury concept.

During the time the New York Auto Show has been in existence, planet Earth has revolved 114 times around the Sun; in other words, the New York Auto Show has been around a long time. If the exhibition were a person, it would have liver spots the size of a Bangle-designed butt. Ironically, the older the show gets, the newer the cars become, which is why I’m grateful the NYIAS isn’t a human being … large liver spots give me the willies.

If you own a 2010 – 2012 Bimmer with an inline six, get ready to take it to your closest roundel dealer’s service department. BMW is recalling 156,137 vehicles of the above ages and engine type in the United States. Specifically, “A wide variety of models, including the 3 Series and 5 Series sedans, 5 Series Gran Turismo, X3, X5, and X6 crossovers, Z4 sports car, and the 1 Series coupe and convertible.” The bolts that keep the VANOS variable-camshaft timing unit housings in position can potentially loosen or break.

I may not eat today because my stomach is full of butterflies. Why is my stomach full of lepidopterans? BMW just announced the availability of the Track Handling Package for the 2015 228i Coupe. If you’re in the market for a 2-Coupe with a four banger, I’ve got one reason why you should check the box for the Track Handling Package … it’s a track handling package.