The Ventriloquist
06-12-2005, 06:39 AM
#181
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Location: Dublin, Eire
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My Ride: Collected Sept 2009 - BMW E90 M3, Silverstone II, Novillo Black leather, 19" M Double-Spoke alloys, High Beam Assist, Electronic Damper Control, Voice Control, PDC, USB, DAB, High Gloss Shadowline, Sliding armrest, Trim Finishing in aluminium grey.
Blonde
1. Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
2. Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter.
4. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
5. Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
6. Burnt her nose bobbing for French fries.
7. Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said "good
up to 20 pounds."
1. Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
2. Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter.
4. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
5. Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
6. Burnt her nose bobbing for French fries.
7. Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said "good
up to 20 pounds."
06-13-2005, 09:30 PM
#185
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Location: SF Bay Area, California
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My Ride: 2005 545i, Orient Blue, Black Interior, Sport Package, Satellite
Originally Posted by IrishEyes' date='Jan 12 2005, 12:47 PM
A blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "You don't like getting flowers?"
The redhead says, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says: "Don't you have a vase?"? ?
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "You don't like getting flowers?"
The redhead says, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says: "Don't you have a vase?"? ?
[snapback]78510[/snapback]
That is too f**king funning.... you are killing me!
06-14-2005, 10:44 AM
#186
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: FLA - East Coast, USA
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My Ride: (USA) 645Ci, Silver Gray, Chateau, Cold Weather PKG, Premium Sound PKG, Sport PKG, Step, NAV [Std Equip in 645], HUD, Satellite (SIRIUS) Radio, Aux Input, Bluetooth enabled using iPhone 3GS w/ adapter cradle - Build date - 01/05, Baby delivered 2/24/05
again, still, yet
06-17-2005, 01:21 PM
#189
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Location: Dublin, Eire
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My Ride: Collected Sept 2009 - BMW E90 M3, Silverstone II, Novillo Black leather, 19" M Double-Spoke alloys, High Beam Assist, Electronic Damper Control, Voice Control, PDC, USB, DAB, High Gloss Shadowline, Sliding armrest, Trim Finishing in aluminium grey.
THE BLONDE AND THE POSTMAN
It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived
at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for $50.
At the second house they presented him with the finest Cuban cigars in an 18 carat gold box.
The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old Scotch whisky.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in a sheer negligee. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough, they went downstairs where the blonde fixed him a humongous breakfast of eggs, tomatoes, bacon, sausage, beans, muffins and freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was full, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a five dollar bill on the saucer sticking out from under the cup .
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's with the five dollars?"
"Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Screw him....Give him five dollars! The breakfast was my idea."
It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived
at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for $50.
At the second house they presented him with the finest Cuban cigars in an 18 carat gold box.
The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old Scotch whisky.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in a sheer negligee. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough, they went downstairs where the blonde fixed him a humongous breakfast of eggs, tomatoes, bacon, sausage, beans, muffins and freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was full, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a five dollar bill on the saucer sticking out from under the cup .
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's with the five dollars?"
"Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Screw him....Give him five dollars! The breakfast was my idea."
