The International Rules of Manhood

jagman · 2007-01-30 14:00:43

The International Rules of Manhood: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: When a heroic dog dies to save its master. After wrecking your boss's car or more importantly wrecking your own car. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. Golf is not to be treated as a sport, it is to be considered part of life If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. On a road trip satnav and maps are totally off limits, getting lost is part of the trip. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos ever, I mean EVER. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything and you shouldn't be looking. (see below) Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers, make as much noise, shout obscenities and sulk at the end of the game if thier team losses and if she does, its probably a man in womans clothing ( beware). A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy acceptable if no other men are around. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. Especially Mini-vans The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. There is no good or accepted reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. If he does its for research reasons only. Never, under any circumstances shall a man clean - unless he is being paid to do so. Never, under any circumstances shall a married man cook - unless he is being paid to do so or cannot get his wife to go to the store because she's at work and cannot go on the way back. Hope this clears up any confusion o:)

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01-30-2007, 05:00 AM

jagman

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The International Rules of Manhood:

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- After wrecking your boss's car or more importantly wrecking your own car.
Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
Golf is not to be treated as a sport, it is to be considered part of life
If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
On a road trip satnav and maps are totally off limits, getting lost is part of the trip.
When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
Friends don't let friends wear Speedos ever, I mean EVER.
If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything and you shouldn't be looking. (see below)
Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers, make as much noise, shout obscenities and sulk at the end of the game if thier team losses and if she does, its probably a man in womans clothing ( beware).
A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy acceptable if no other men are around.
If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. Especially Mini-vans
The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox.
There is no good or accepted reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. If he does its for research reasons only.
Never, under any circumstances shall a man clean - unless he is being paid to do so.
Never, under any circumstances shall a married man cook - unless he is being paid to do so or cannot get his wife to go to the store because she's at work and cannot go on the way back.

Hope this clears up any confusion

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01-30-2007, 05:41 AM

madoon

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