cobradav

In reference to the Great Chili Cook-off to be held Thursday the following is offered:

Notes from an inexperienced chili taster...

"Recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted this as being one of those burdens you endure when you're an internet writer and therefore known and adored by all."

Here are the scorecards from the event:

- Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor Very mild.
FRANK: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.

- Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line. The barmaid looks like a professional wrestler after a bad night. She was so irritated over my gagging sounds that the snake tattoo under her eye started to twitch. She has arms like Popeye and a face like Winston Churchill. I will NOT pick a fight with her.

- Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been sneezing Drano.
Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. She said her friends call her "Sally." Probably behind her back they call her "Forklift."

- Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue but was unable to taste it. Sally was standing behind me with fresh refills so I wouldn't have to dash over to see her. When she winked at me her snake sort of coiled and uncoiled ... it's kinda cute.

- Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I belched and four people in front of me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

- Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice
and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. I asked if she wants to go dancing later.

- Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3, he appears to be in a bit of distress.
FRANK: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull the pin and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good, at autopsy they'll know what killed me. Go Sally, save yourself before it's too late. Tell our children I'm sorry I was not there to conceive them. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful and I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just let it in through the hole in my stomach. Call the X-Files people and tell them I've found a super nova on my tongue.

- Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili JUDGE ONE: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself.
JUDGE TWO: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
FRANK: Momma??!!



Volunteers????????????????

UUronL

Heheheheheh. I always liked that joke.


I make a mean batch of chili myself.


2 lbs ground bufallo meat (lean)

brown meat in deep pot with chopped garlic, salt, pepper, allspice, crushed red pepper, dried onion powder or flakes, cumin - all spices to taste.

Add water to cover (again, guess) and then put some more cumin and a mix of various chili powders. I use:


chipotle powder
ancho powder
habanero powder (careful with this one)
pasilla powder


cook on simmer for about 2 or 3 hours, you can fool with additional "dumps" throughout the cooking process.

Cook it until it is thick rather than watery. Let it cool and don't eat it for ~24 hours (refrigerate). Heat and serve with some chopped onion, cilantro, cheese, sour cream, diced jalapenos... whatever. Also good over spaghetti too as "chili mac" or over a bowl of Fritos (Frito Pie).

If you're not a purist and desire some veggies, I'd suggest a can of Rotel Extra Hot. Add it with the water.



The non-veggie "purist" chili is low-carb friendly. Oh, and yeah - I'm pretty much inhuman when it comes to my capacity for hot food in case you couldn't tell from the recipe.

m5lover

gee if it was held in the bay area im fo sure willing to judge it..i find american food to be very not spicy..where i came from,you put chili in everything u eat!!its weird that they only have ketchup here...so lameeee

stream

cobradav

I think this one will boil down to contractors versus Air Force here on Cape Canaveral AFS, next Thursday. I will enter at least one of my recipes. But I just might try UUronLs recipe as a "E60.net" entry. If I do I'll let u know how it made out. I guess I'll have to track down the butcher to see if I can get Buffalo meat.
I like like'em hot too. Took me years to get my kids and wife off of two different batches - one for dad and one for everbody else.

UUronL

Doesn't require Buffalo, I simply use it for low fat. I prefer it to ground turkey.

cobradav

Doesn't require Buffalo, I simply use it for low fat. I prefer it to ground turkey.
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Ah, ok I'll see what I can use to replace. Have not checked yet on rules to see if I can submit two versions. The Major running it is out today (our Warfighters usually take Fridays as "Family day" - i.e. not at work)