v_therussian

If you ever saw this Sopranos episode where Tony is in the coma after being shot in the stomach. He momentarily wakes up asking "who am I? Where am I going?"

sometimes I think about the world and my place in it and try to ask the same questions to myself. I'm a futures trader for a company that hedges stock index futures against one another, and its a brilliant system... yet I don't make anything - not that I don't make anything, I get paid a decent salary with an occasional end of the year handout - but I don't make anything: my hands do not produce any more than the taps on my Bloomberg keyboard, my brain - plugged in to the "matrix" at least 8 hours a day - barely recognizes normal human functions anymore. Paradoxically, I love what I do - not because its some kind of a "work ethic", but because the nature of what I do is fascinating. I just wish to do something that matters...

maybe I'm alone in this...

skelevirus

Whoa V don't be getting all Patrick Bateman on me!! Lol if u have a chance to move up within a reasonable time frame. Then tough it out, that's if u all are all about is power and money. Then again there's more to life than power and money haha u might lose ur soul in the mean time

tonymac

You are not alone bro... Trust me!

v_therussian

I am not about power and money, dude. I make a good deal under 100k a year, and I spend infinitely more than I should - but that's a whole different topic. I don't really have the whole Gordon Gekko thing going - far from it. Honestly, I used to want to be one of those guys, but I think I stopped wanting it way before it came within my grasp. Funny thing about life - you sometimes realize how foolish your teenage ambitions were... what was I thinking about back then? Pussy? Penthouse parties? Nightclubs spinning the remix of "white lines"... it is all superficial and is only there to make us all more into that, which we ultimately hate to be...


feel free to stop me

v_therussian

You know T, you - you and John and Craig - are the kinda dudes that make me regret I never went into service. Some people are real - even though you've never met them in real life. Yet others - you can look right at them and its as if they aren't even there. You are real

skelevirus

I realized at 30 it's family that matters. When u have kids all your selfishness goes right out the window. Watching my son hit his first ball in little league was better than all the house parties and night clubs I've ever been to rolled into one. I no longer ask myself where am I going. I ask myself where are my boys(and soon to be baby girl) going? Haha she had better keep her ass offa the GGW vids

v_therussian

LOL Dude, its the ultimate happiness... its weird... I don't have any kids of my own, but my sister has a son, he's a little over 5 yo. And I try to spend as much time with him as I can. What I've noticed is, when I spend several days with him, the days after that I feel like part of my life is missing. Its really weird for me - I can't say that I'm a particularly sensitive person I'm being honest here. But something about that little kid - it makes me feel like life has a purpose...

DD_545i

It's certainly not a rare feeling you're having there V. There are so many more industries these days (compared to 100 years ago) that don't result in anything physically being made. It's now that the likes of Harrison Ford who likes to continue his carpentry skills making furniture starts to make sense. A lot of people would think why he bothers when he's making millions per movie, but those of us who come to the conclusion that V have see it making sense. Then there are those who are super rich and like to play rancher.

There are many many professions that don't make anything now, such as pro sports players, actors, analysts, software people (like me) and those in the financial markets. I too get that feeling as a software engineer. I can write code all day long and at the end of the day what I produce is something that can be copied to a USB drive or a disc and can be erased in a second. I do feel proud that my code has run on over a billion machines around the world (including all the people reading this message) but at the end of the day, a couple of upgrades and that's all gone.

As Skelevirus said, family does fill that big hole. I also haven't had the urge to produce offspring yet and enjoy nieces and nephews (5 in total). It's also nice to be able to help them with homework and financially (paying for my oldest niece's driving lessons and test was a huge thing for her). Helping people does feel good, which for me is mostly fixing their broken/virused computers. It's nice seeing the relief on their face that all their data isn't lost and their dead computer is now back to life. You can achieve the same kind of thing by offering friends and family financial advice, although as I'm writing this that might be a bad idea. Even the best of the best market predictors can get caught out by massive events that move the market.

v_therussian

Financial advice is not what I do, really. I'm a trader. As such, I'm sure I can find a couple of relatives who'll give me a few bucks to play with and I'll be able to (with a reasonable expectation of success) increase the numbers some. But I'd really rather see both - the money and my ability - used for something better than just seeing some numbers on the screen go green or red.

Too bad I'm not a carpenter... or Harrison Ford, for that matter LOL But now, as I find myself on the brink of yet another big change in my life, I am sitting here and wondering who will remain by my side when the dust settles? How fast will I be able to get up, should I get knocked down? I can already see where the blow will come and I can sort of tell where I'll land when I fall from this one... its weird that I'm totally not paranoid right now... maybe wrong - I don't know... anyway, I'm going on about nothing now, so I'll shut up

melimel

your having a moment V.. a long one, but your human.. and i think that at a certain point in ones life you just realize your here for a purpose. sometimes people get it, sometimes they dont.