It still makes me laugh

jagman · 2006-12-19 23:33:44

When humour was so simple There was a beautiful young woman banging on my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out. A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me! What are three words any woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!" Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried. My wife and I went to hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months. The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!" Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!! " Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?" A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!" Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant! ?" The doctor says, "The usual way. A little wine, a little dinner, you know?" Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!" A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started." A bum asked a fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." The fellow responded, "When's payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!" :dance: :dance: :dance: Who says old fashioned humour doesn't work

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Dec 19, 2006 | 02:33 PM

jagman

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My Ride: My Drive ……X5 3.0d Sport 2004, Sunroof, 6 Speed Auto, SATNAV, TV, Blue Tooth, Sterling Grey, Beige Leather, Folding Mirrors, Auto Dipping Mirrors, 6 CD, Poplar Wood Interior, Sun Protection Glass, Comfort Screen, Heated Seats. My Drive…… 530d Sport (E61) 2005, Carbon Black, Beige Leather, Auto, Comfort Seats, Panoramic Sun Roof, SATNAV Professional, 6 CD, ( Media Pack), Bi- Xenon’s Adaptive, Headlight Washers,Folding Mirrors, Sun Blinds, Sun Protection Glass, Advanced Air Conditioning / Heating, Blue Tooth with integrated Phone. Other Half’s Drive….318 Ci Sport, 2005, Graphite Grey, Red Leather, Full Sports Pack. Three sayings that can help with life “Shy boys get nothing” “You are confusing me with someone who gives a damn” “If you want a friend buy a dog”

When humour was so simple

There was a beautiful young woman banging on my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out.
A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
What are three words any woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
My wife and I went to hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!! " Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant! ?" The doctor says, "The usual way. A little wine, a little dinner, you know?"
Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."
A bum asked a fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." The fellow responded, "When's payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!"

Who says old fashioned humour doesn't work

Dec 19, 2006 | 05:11 PM

info@trinityautosport

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hahahahahaha i enjoy reading these things that you and a couple others post up.

Dec 19, 2006 | 10:22 PM

pinguhk

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keep it coming

Dec 19, 2006 | 10:36 PM

jagman

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Quote:

Originally Posted by NeRwEEzy' post='369331' date='Dec 20 2006, 02:11 AM

hahahahahaha i enjoy reading these things that you and a couple others post up.

Thanks for the note, sometimes I think people can live life too seriously, I just try to add a bit of balance, by the way you live in a beautiful state, we love it.