When i use my windscreen washers there is a clicking/whirring noise under the bonnet passenger side and no fluid comes out Anyone any clues to what it could be,there's plenty of liquid in there.

ALSO
When the headlight washer pops up on drivers side the protective flap pops out and jumps 3 foot in the air and the headlights wash fine before retreating back into the bumper with no flap/cover to protect the drivers side jet ! Obviously something is missing but as they only spring up for a few seconds i cant look at the passenger side washer that works fine so i can compare it to the broken one and spot the difference.

Anybody got any idea ?

Just to be a pain there is a random warning sound that comes on mid journey, its hard to explain in text but it sounds like old fashion radio pips. it goes something like beep , beep , beep , beeeeeepp
(here's a link to something sounding similar) i dont know what its trying to tell me and no text comes up on the idrive screen except there is a capitl letter * T * positioned where the mute audio sign appears when turning radio sound off.

please help

 

That beep is most likely the hourly indicator that can be turned off in you iDrive settings. Just see if that beep happens on the hour.

With the headlight washer, I would see I'd the dealer can sell that clamp on painted item (if that truely is one, from the sounds of the symptom it may). May be a perfect candidate for a junkyard hunt too on the cheap.

Sounds like your washer hose line has a leak or the pump is dead. If you find fluid under the hood then its the line (hopefully) or if not you may have a pump issue. Not sure where that pump is located tho but someone else should respond correcting me if I am way off or just noting the location. Nice ride, good luck!