Vehicle Review: 2017 BMW M760i
5Series.net gets in the driver’s seat of the all-wheel-drive, V12 flagship of the BMW 7 Series lineup…and in its rear executive lounge seat fit for a James Bond villain. No henchmen in matching jumpsuits were harmed in the making of this review.
In the 1997 movie “Tomorrow Never Dies,” James Bond gets the keys to a BMW 750iL, a long, sleek, V12-powered super sedan.
The vehicle you see here is not a Bond car. No electric shock or tear gas theft deterrence system. No missiles in the sunroof. No cable-cutting saw under the roundel on the hood. No Ericsson cell phone remote control.
I’m OK with that – and I’ve been a 007 fan for nearly 20 years. Since 1999, I’ve seen each new Bond movie in theaters on its opening night.
You know why I’m glad the 2017 BMW M760i isn’t a real James Bond movie car? Because it’s not in a museum somewhere, dying a slow, static death under uncaring fluorescent lights and the fleeting gazes of tourists.
It’s a car you can drive (if you can swing my review vehicle’s nearly $180,000 as-tested price). Quickly. The M760i delivers its power so smoothly it feels as if there isn’t an engine up front, but a glowing fission device softly pulsating with quiet malevolence. A glance under the hood reveals the plastic cover to a twin-turbo 6.6-liter V12. The full force of its 601 horsepower and 590 lb-ft of torque surging through the xDrive all-wheel drive system and the performance run-flats is frightening. The M sport exhaust system emits a muffled, digital growl, as if some scar-faced megalomaniacal mad scientist found a way to distill the aggression of a tiger into 1s and 0s. One split-second glance away from the head-up display and speeds climb to law-bending heights. BMW claims the 5,128-pound M760i can hit 60 mph in 3.6 seconds. After a dose of full throttle, my eyes wide, my blood racing through every part of my body except my white knuckles, I exhaled loudly. I said “Wow,” but I thought, I totally believe them.
I also believed the car’s other stats, such as its 126.4-inch wheelbase and 206.6-inch total length. Even with the Driving Dynamics Control in its most aggressive Sport+ setting and the shifter for the 8-speed automatic pushed into its sport mode, the M760i couldn’t hide its size in curves. It obviously had the power for enthusiastic driving and informative steering, but using it to blast through S bends brought trying to maneuver a cruise ship like a sprint boat to mind.
Pushing the Comfort button softened the M760i’s responses and suspension. Pushing it again engaged Comfort+, unlocking the best ride quality I’ve ever experienced in a vehicle. The M760i glided forward, its feathers unruffled by the bumps in the pavement that tried to knock it out of the sky. The transmission became just as relaxed as I was, which made getting up to speed in stop-and-go traffic in time a tension-filled process. Most of the time I had the 7 in Comfort or Comfort+, I also had its gearbox set to sport.
In front of me, I had nearly every feature I could imagine in a luxury car – and one I had never even thought of. By day, I was surrounded by Fineline Black Wood accents. At night, streams of colored accent lighting flowed in front of me and beside me, matching the color of the elements embedded in the sunroof panels. Some of the speaker grilles for the 1,400-watt, 16-speaker Bowers & Wilkins Diamond Surround Sound System ($3,400) glowed with a gentle blue light. The 20-way Nappa Leather front seats were heated and ventilated. The one I spent most of my time in offered multiple types of massage at three levels of intensity (the hands of a Bond girl probably feel even better, though). On chilly mornings, I could turn on the heated steering wheel and crank the seat heat up to its max setting. Granted, that’s nothing out of the ordinary for a lot of cars these days. What I wasn’t expecting was the ability for the front armrests to warm up along with the seats. Accidentally turning the volume up through the Gesture Control system by constantly “talking” with my hands was another surprise.
The BMW M760i is also a car you can ride in. If it comes with the optional Luxury Rear Seating ($1,800) and Rear Executive Lounge Seating ($5,750) packages like my test vehicle did, you should. You must. Sit in the back passenger-side seat. Then reach for the tablet to your left. If you do that at this time of year, use it to close the power sunshades above your head, to your left and right, and behind you. Crank up the seat ventilation to the max. Activate the back massage feature. (Sorry, there’s no drink cooler to chill the vodka for shaken-not-stirred martinis.)
Most importantly, tap on the tablet’s screen to select the sleep position for your seat. Then lay your head back on your pillow-padded headrest and wait. You’ll feel yourself reclining as you see the seat in front of you sliding and tilting forward. Eventually, its headrest will tilt down. Before its mechanical choreography comes to an end, a footrest will fold down from the back of the seat. It would be wasteful to not put your feet on it….so don’t be. The 2017 BMW M760i may not be a Bond car, but the only time 007 was in the back of his 7 Series he was trying to avoid getting shot in the face with a bazooka. I’m OK with that, too.
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