You just gotta laugh...
02-17-2005, 01:00 AM
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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
02-17-2005, 02:15 AM
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My Ride: 530iA Silver Grey , black interior. Premium Package, Navigation System, Head-up Display, Radio Satellite, Adaptive Xenon Headlights. AC Schnitzer Front Lip, H&R springs, Rear red reflector, All season Floor mat,
I don't get the jokes.. <_<
02-17-2005, 04:47 AM
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My Ride: COMING!! 2006 M5 - December build - January delivery.
2004 530i - Silver Gray Metallic; Black Leather; Premium Pkg; Premium Sound Pkg; Cold Weather Pkg; Steptronic; Comfort Seats; Glass Moonroof; Rear Side Airbags; Adaptive Bi-xenon; Euro Rear Reflectors - Delivered 12/3/03
2003 M3 - Carbon Black Metallic; Black Leather; Premium Pkg; Park Distance Control; Xenon; Hardon-Kardon; Alum Int. Trim; SMG - Delivered 2/17/03
Let the PUNS begin!
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both appear before St. Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St. Peter must decide which of them gets in. St. Peter asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, so she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect ones God ever created, and I'm sure it will please him to be able to see them every day for eternity."
St. Peter thanks Dolly, and asks Queen Liz the same question. She then drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it.
St. Peter says, "OK, Your Majesty, you may go in".
Dolly is outraged. She screams, "What was that all about? I show you two God's own creations, she performs a disgusting, hygiene act, and gets in and I don't?!!!"
"Sorry, Dolly," says St. Peter, " but a royal flush beats a pair any day"
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both appear before St. Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St. Peter must decide which of them gets in. St. Peter asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, so she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect ones God ever created, and I'm sure it will please him to be able to see them every day for eternity."
St. Peter thanks Dolly, and asks Queen Liz the same question. She then drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it.
St. Peter says, "OK, Your Majesty, you may go in".
Dolly is outraged. She screams, "What was that all about? I show you two God's own creations, she performs a disgusting, hygiene act, and gets in and I don't?!!!"
"Sorry, Dolly," says St. Peter, " but a royal flush beats a pair any day"
02-17-2005, 06:02 AM
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Originally Posted by pbsaj' date='Feb 17 2005, 02:47 PM
Let the PUNS begin!
[snapback]91278[/snapback]
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
02-17-2005, 10:14 AM
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My Ride: COMING!! 2006 M5 - December build - January delivery.
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2003 M3 - Carbon Black Metallic; Black Leather; Premium Pkg; Park Distance Control; Xenon; Hardon-Kardon; Alum Int. Trim; SMG - Delivered 2/17/03
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Damn."
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What's the diff. between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.
What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help after it bites your leg off.
What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office?
They're hiring.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.
(Sorry! I just can't help it)
They take the psycho path.
How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Damn."
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What's the diff. between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.
What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help after it bites your leg off.
What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office?
They're hiring.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.
(Sorry! I just can't help it)
02-18-2005, 12:40 AM
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My Ride: Collected Sept 2009 - BMW E90 M3, Silverstone II, Novillo Black leather, 19" M Double-Spoke alloys, High Beam Assist, Electronic Damper Control, Voice Control, PDC, USB, DAB, High Gloss Shadowline, Sliding armrest, Trim Finishing in aluminium grey.
Originally Posted by pbsaj' date='Feb 17 2005, 02:47 PM
Let the PUNS begin!
[snapback]91278[/snapback]
