Tiger Woods filling up his BMW in Ireland...
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On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, who obviously knows nothing about golf and completely unaware of Tiger's identity, greets him in a typical Irish manner. "Top of the mornin' to ya, sir," says the attendant.
Tiger, who is familiar with Irish custom, responds with, "And the rest of the day to you, sir!"
He gives a quick nod and bends forward to pick up the nozzle of the gasoline hose. As he does so, two golf tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replies Tiger.
"And what on the good earth are they fer?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger.
"Feckin Jaysus," says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything!"
Tiger, who is familiar with Irish custom, responds with, "And the rest of the day to you, sir!"
He gives a quick nod and bends forward to pick up the nozzle of the gasoline hose. As he does so, two golf tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replies Tiger.
"And what on the good earth are they fer?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger.
"Feckin Jaysus," says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything!"
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Good one
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From: Dublin, Eire
My Ride: Collected Sept 2009 - BMW E90 M3, Silverstone II, Novillo Black leather, 19" M Double-Spoke alloys, High Beam Assist, Electronic Damper Control, Voice Control, PDC, USB, DAB, High Gloss Shadowline, Sliding armrest, Trim Finishing in aluminium grey.
We must be on an Irish phase of joke telling !!!
We'll stick with a golfing story...
FOUR men went golfing one day. Once on the course, three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went to the clubhouse to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking and bragged about their sons. The first man told the others: "My son is a builder and is so successful that he gave a friend a brand new house for free."
The second man said: "My son is a car salesman and owns a huge dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a brand new BMW with all the extras."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged: "My son is a stockbroker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio worth ?100,000."
It was at this point that the fourth man joined them on the tee. The first man said: "We are just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"
The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and dances in a gay bar." The three friends looked down at the grass and smirked. The fourth man carried on: "Admittedly, I'm not totally thrilled about the ancing job. But he must be doing pretty well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new BMW and a stock portfolio worth ?100,000
We'll stick with a golfing story...
FOUR men went golfing one day. Once on the course, three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went to the clubhouse to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking and bragged about their sons. The first man told the others: "My son is a builder and is so successful that he gave a friend a brand new house for free."
The second man said: "My son is a car salesman and owns a huge dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a brand new BMW with all the extras."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged: "My son is a stockbroker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio worth ?100,000."
It was at this point that the fourth man joined them on the tee. The first man said: "We are just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"
The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and dances in a gay bar." The three friends looked down at the grass and smirked. The fourth man carried on: "Admittedly, I'm not totally thrilled about the ancing job. But he must be doing pretty well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new BMW and a stock portfolio worth ?100,000
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,279
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From: Dublin, Eire
My Ride: Collected Sept 2009 - BMW E90 M3, Silverstone II, Novillo Black leather, 19" M Double-Spoke alloys, High Beam Assist, Electronic Damper Control, Voice Control, PDC, USB, DAB, High Gloss Shadowline, Sliding armrest, Trim Finishing in aluminium grey.
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age.
" The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time.
"The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
"Now what are you doing?" She asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what's par for this damn hole".
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age.
" The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time.
"The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
"Now what are you doing?" She asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what's par for this damn hole".
Senior Members
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,279
Likes: 0
From: Dublin, Eire
My Ride: Collected Sept 2009 - BMW E90 M3, Silverstone II, Novillo Black leather, 19" M Double-Spoke alloys, High Beam Assist, Electronic Damper Control, Voice Control, PDC, USB, DAB, High Gloss Shadowline, Sliding armrest, Trim Finishing in aluminium grey.
Ladies Golf Course ...