A Loving Wife
10-04-2008, 11:01 AM
#1
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Beijing, China
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A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed
the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck,
then gets up & goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!
He's probably spent a lot of time in jail
and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex,
don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is obviously very dangerous.
If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.
Be strong, honey. I love you!'
His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute,
and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you too.'
Inside, he finds couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed
the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck,
then gets up & goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!
He's probably spent a lot of time in jail
and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex,
don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is obviously very dangerous.
If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.
Be strong, honey. I love you!'
His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute,
and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you too.'
10-04-2008, 11:54 AM
#5
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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My Ride: 2007 E60 530i
Color: Jet Black/Black Anthracite
STEP | Sport | Premium | NAV | Logic 7
EXTERIOR:
M-Tech Kit | M5 Mirrors, Trunk Finisher | Jet Black Kidney Surrounds | Madico Charcool Tint 54%, 35%
LIGHTING:
Euro-Headlights | Euro-LCI Tail Lights | AiB V3.0 | Solaris Invisi-bulbs | OEM LED Plate Lights
PERFORMANCE:
Porterfield R4-S Brake Pads | K&N Air Filter
WHEELS & SUSPENSION:
Work VS-XX 20x9, 20x10 | Toyo T1R 245/30/20, Michelin Pilot Sport A/S 295/25/20 | KW V2 Coilovers | Rogue Engineering 15mm Spacers
Hahahaha... nice.
10-04-2008, 11:54 AM
#6
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Kirkland, WA
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My Ride: 2005 545i - Jet Black | bld 01/2005 | Black Dakota Leather | Sport Package | Cold Weather Package | NAV | Sports Seats | Sirius Satellite | Logic 7 | Multi-Disk | Shades | STEPTRONIC | Adaptive Xenons | Anthracite Maple | K&N Filter - Charcoal removed | Pinnacle 35% Tint | Blackout Kidneys | Black Calipers | Dinan Throttle Body | Dinan Pedals | EU Safety Triangle | e60 Clings | RPI Scoop | Black/white roundels | LED Interior Light Update
CIP 31.2
DOH!!!
10-04-2008, 01:52 PM
#8
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Thousand Oaks, California
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My Ride: 2008 550i Jet Black on Black Leather, SAT with Paddles, Logic 7, Comfort Seats, NAV, Sport Package, PDC, Xenons, Sirius, Trinity 12W LED Angel Eyes, RPi GT Exhaust, M rear spoiler, ACS Roof Spoiler, Tinted Tail Lights, Bimmian Carbon Fiber Pillar Trim, Bimmian Shadow 550i emblem, RPi Scoop, E60 Forum Cling, Mtec bulbs in fog lights, Mtec 2W LED for License Plate Light Bulbs, K&N Filter, Bimmian LED Smoked Side Markers, Blackout roundels, Carbon Fiber Kidney Grills.
Retired Rides - 1989 325i convertible, 1995 M3, 2002 X5, 2005 545i, 2008 X5 (Lemon)
It's an oldie, but it is still very funny! 
10-04-2008, 10:07 PM
#10
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: St. Louis Burbs, USA
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My Ride: 2007 530i. Purchased 6/28/07. Titanium Silver Metallic, Black Dakota Leather, Dark Poplar Trim, Steptronic, Premium Package, Cold Weather Package, Bluetooth, Adaptive Control Xenons. 10/30/07 Added OEM 124s with 245/40/18 & 275/35/18 Michelin Pilot Sport A/S tires. Installed red Cal Covers� from BavAuto. 11/21/07 Added OEM all-weather floor mats (for winter, carpet in summer) and coat rack. 6/26/08 installed M5-style rear spoiler. 6/30/08 put on red reflectors. 8/22/08 Euro turn signal stickers applied. 3/20/09 Installed Shadowline Trim. 3/27/09 Added Matte Black Kidney Grilles from Trinity. 4/03/09 Installed Bimmian Shadow Matte Black 530i Badges. 4/04/09 Installed LED license plate lights from Trinity. 5/01/09 Installed Brabus Interior LED Kit and White Angel Eyes. 5/02/09 Put in Brabus 6K Fogs. 5/14/09 Removed charcoal filter. 5/15/09 Installed light smoke LED side marker lamps from Trinity. 5/21/09 Sprint Booster. 6/12/09 Painted exhaust tips flat black. 6/13/09 Pulled red Cal Covers and painted calipers low gloss black. 6/27/09 RPI Ram Air Scoop from Trinity. 8/15/09 Installed Brabus's silver invisibulbs front and rear. 9/24/09 Installed R-Dash license plate LEDs from Brabaus (John).
Man, you're on a roll! Keep 'em coming!