I wonder if it is too late to change how I raise my kid...
01-11-2011, 06:42 PM
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Tiger Mothers: Raising Children The Chinese Way
http://www.npr.org/2...the-chinese-way
Not that I have the time and energy to be a parent like this....
http://www.npr.org/2...the-chinese-way
Not that I have the time and energy to be a parent like this....
01-11-2011, 07:51 PM
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A good iron fisted mother this one; however she is slowly squelching out all the creativity; knowledge of people; ease of emotion; and ease of life out of her daughters.
The two daughters world view of `success' is now really skewed; they won't realize they are more successful than most until they are already there.
Its the `mercedes best or nothing' attitude; if you continually endorse it 110% of the time raising your kids you will come to the unfathomable conclusion that:
the grass is always greener on the other side -- sure your son or daughter will turn into some quasi successful person as a doctor or professor or a musician or an engineer or a developer or a MBA or some executive level position or something productive -- hopefully day to day over day as their discipline level is higher due to your parenting.
But guess what? How will your `chinese mothered' daughter turn out as a businesswoman? How will they know how to network socially with ease? How will they know to to properly interact with others socially when you don't allow them to have any play dates? How will others perceive them -- I've had friends tell me `you can get to know an asian person over years but not really know them' -- will you do business with a person you've known for years but not `really know them'? If you were an angel investor would you invest money into their startup? If you were a business partner would you feel positive when you have to pick up their number as they call you?
How will those sons and daughters be able to read peoples emotions or feelings? Interact with others naturally without feeling too awkward inside? You know the people they interact with day to day as they age will pick up that negative gut awkward like feeling and if your great `chinese mothered' sons and daughters cannot it will be their loss. Doesn't a human being need closeness to others as core necessity of happiness? So from a broad sense of things you are trading your offsprings social life and social happiness for discipline and knowledge for the hope that one day -- day after day they will amount to something you see as fit for them as `successful'. They will very likely resent you for that as well -- never have I met a Chinese raised son or daughter that does not have some amount of deep set fear due to the constant and brutal negative scolding and `your not good enough; improve or else' ruthlessness -- and guess what? I pick up on it and I use it against them -- it is a very easy thing to do and there are worse people out there than me that will exploit the living crap out of them in this way.
Do not set your daughters up for disaster socially; you cannot control them any more when they are out in the real world post college with their own life to carry forward -- you should at least give them some amount of liberty and freedom to socially connect with others their own age for an extended amount of time.
Stifle creativity and imagination through asinine iron fist parenting Ms. Amy Chua; and you will turn off the spigot that is the endless flow of knowledge of people away from them; and that will rob them of the greatest opportunities in any capitalistic influenced government; economy; and society.
I have never met a successful entrepreneur that was not good at selling themselves and being very very personable -- with no social awkwardness at all -- but rather you feel like you've met somebody that is moving forward and full of life, thriving towards their goals and dreams.
Your parenting might work back in your parents or grandparents home country; but it does not work in a country like America or any western influenced country for that matter. Growing up as a minority from an eastern country, while living day to day in a western world with eastern parents breathing down your back day to day is not an easy task -- you are already asking a lot from your children by just living in this country.
Give them a break for a day yeah? Let them explore themselves; as they age they are ultimately different from you -- a manifest destiny that you may be able to impose on them for only so long until it gets very unhealthy for both parties involved.
You see; it can get destructive.
http://online.wsj.com/search/term.ht...inesearch=true
The two daughters world view of `success' is now really skewed; they won't realize they are more successful than most until they are already there.
Its the `mercedes best or nothing' attitude; if you continually endorse it 110% of the time raising your kids you will come to the unfathomable conclusion that:
the grass is always greener on the other side -- sure your son or daughter will turn into some quasi successful person as a doctor or professor or a musician or an engineer or a developer or a MBA or some executive level position or something productive -- hopefully day to day over day as their discipline level is higher due to your parenting.
But guess what? How will your `chinese mothered' daughter turn out as a businesswoman? How will they know how to network socially with ease? How will they know to to properly interact with others socially when you don't allow them to have any play dates? How will others perceive them -- I've had friends tell me `you can get to know an asian person over years but not really know them' -- will you do business with a person you've known for years but not `really know them'? If you were an angel investor would you invest money into their startup? If you were a business partner would you feel positive when you have to pick up their number as they call you?
How will those sons and daughters be able to read peoples emotions or feelings? Interact with others naturally without feeling too awkward inside? You know the people they interact with day to day as they age will pick up that negative gut awkward like feeling and if your great `chinese mothered' sons and daughters cannot it will be their loss. Doesn't a human being need closeness to others as core necessity of happiness? So from a broad sense of things you are trading your offsprings social life and social happiness for discipline and knowledge for the hope that one day -- day after day they will amount to something you see as fit for them as `successful'. They will very likely resent you for that as well -- never have I met a Chinese raised son or daughter that does not have some amount of deep set fear due to the constant and brutal negative scolding and `your not good enough; improve or else' ruthlessness -- and guess what? I pick up on it and I use it against them -- it is a very easy thing to do and there are worse people out there than me that will exploit the living crap out of them in this way.
Do not set your daughters up for disaster socially; you cannot control them any more when they are out in the real world post college with their own life to carry forward -- you should at least give them some amount of liberty and freedom to socially connect with others their own age for an extended amount of time.
Stifle creativity and imagination through asinine iron fist parenting Ms. Amy Chua; and you will turn off the spigot that is the endless flow of knowledge of people away from them; and that will rob them of the greatest opportunities in any capitalistic influenced government; economy; and society.
I have never met a successful entrepreneur that was not good at selling themselves and being very very personable -- with no social awkwardness at all -- but rather you feel like you've met somebody that is moving forward and full of life, thriving towards their goals and dreams.
Your parenting might work back in your parents or grandparents home country; but it does not work in a country like America or any western influenced country for that matter. Growing up as a minority from an eastern country, while living day to day in a western world with eastern parents breathing down your back day to day is not an easy task -- you are already asking a lot from your children by just living in this country.
Give them a break for a day yeah? Let them explore themselves; as they age they are ultimately different from you -- a manifest destiny that you may be able to impose on them for only so long until it gets very unhealthy for both parties involved.
You see; it can get destructive.
http://online.wsj.com/search/term.ht...inesearch=true
01-11-2011, 07:51 PM
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I posted this on my FB profile; just my opinion of her mothering
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?not...50092431214585
And remember ladies and gentlemen -- I am a `victim' of this chinese mothering
bittersweet
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?not...50092431214585
And remember ladies and gentlemen -- I am a `victim' of this chinese mothering
bittersweet
01-11-2011, 09:02 PM
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Obviously most of us would consider her on the extremists side, but how far do you drive your child, and how far is enough? Look at the kids that are getting out of school now and can't get a job.
Here she is on the today show...
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xgixdn_nbc-today-show-chinese-ytiger-momy-defends-tough-parenting_news
Here she is on the today show...
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xgixdn_nbc-today-show-chinese-ytiger-momy-defends-tough-parenting_news
01-11-2011, 10:55 PM
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Obviously most of us would consider her on the extremists side, but how far do you drive your child, and how far is enough? Look at the kids that are getting out of school now and can't get a job.
Here she is on the today show...
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xgi...parenting_news
Here she is on the today show...
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xgi...parenting_news
but seriously... Kids here are a different animal. If they were pushed that hard and that aggressively, they would fight back. We have been raised to make our own choices, and lead our own lives... Not knocking their way, but its just not practical here in the USA. When pushed, we push back.
GOD BLESS THE USA!!!!!!!!!
01-13-2011, 10:29 AM
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01-13-2011, 10:42 AM
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Kids here need more discipline, we are turning our country into a nation of wussies. Best thing I've heard a politician say for as long as I can remember is what the Gov of Pennsylvania said regarding the NFL postponing the Eagles game due to weather:
"My biggest beef is that this is part of what's happened in this country," Rendell said. "I think we've become wussies.
"We've become a nation of wusses. The Chinese are kicking our butt in everything. If this was in China do you think the Chinese would have called off the game?"
"My biggest beef is that this is part of what's happened in this country," Rendell said. "I think we've become wussies.
"We've become a nation of wusses. The Chinese are kicking our butt in everything. If this was in China do you think the Chinese would have called off the game?"
01-15-2011, 12:08 PM
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kids do need more discipline, thats why i just dealt our a nice ass wooping to the boys, lol..
seriously though, I kinda did, but verbally. I have them working as i type.. They slack too much, parents do TOO much.. They dont even know how to achieve for anything anymore cause parents hand it to them. They get money, cars, parents pay for it all. I refuse, I am not doing that. These kids now a days slack so much and I refuse to set my kids up for a lifetime of failure cause they think everything is going to be handed to them. They have no work ethic either, this has been and will continue to be a debate in my household between me and my husband.. We simply disagree about how certain things should be done. I mean you only get one chance to do it right and you can EASILY fuck it up. Thats how I see it.
Parenting is a skill you probably NEVER master, but have to always stay educated on, and step outside the box now and then to see how your doing, only then, can you make reasonably smart choices to guide your child into making the correct decisions on their own and as an adult... 
seriously though, I kinda did, but verbally. I have them working as i type.. They slack too much, parents do TOO much.. They dont even know how to achieve for anything anymore cause parents hand it to them. They get money, cars, parents pay for it all. I refuse, I am not doing that. These kids now a days slack so much and I refuse to set my kids up for a lifetime of failure cause they think everything is going to be handed to them. They have no work ethic either, this has been and will continue to be a debate in my household between me and my husband.. We simply disagree about how certain things should be done. I mean you only get one chance to do it right and you can EASILY fuck it up. Thats how I see it.
Parenting is a skill you probably NEVER master, but have to always stay educated on, and step outside the box now and then to see how your doing, only then, can you make reasonably smart choices to guide your child into making the correct decisions on their own
and as an adult...
01-17-2011, 10:29 AM
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my parents did a shitty job raising me. never made me finish what I started, never challenged me, D's were acceptable. F's were fine, but I would have to go to summer school.
What I am now is a cross between the shitty person my parents didnt really care that I would turn out to be, and the great guy the Army molded me into. I am close with my parents, but there is a lot of anger towards them for not preparing me better for life.
This is the first time I have acknowledged this publicly, or privately for that matter. Quite therapeutic. Thanks e60.net.
What I am now is a cross between the shitty person my parents didnt really care that I would turn out to be, and the great guy the Army molded me into. I am close with my parents, but there is a lot of anger towards them for not preparing me better for life.
This is the first time I have acknowledged this publicly, or privately for that matter. Quite therapeutic. Thanks e60.net.