CWS530

Hey, I got these from a friend in Lyon!

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes.'


Mark Twain


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'I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.'


General George S. Patton


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'Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.'


Norman Schwartzkopf


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'We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.'


Marge Simpson


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'As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure.'


Jacques Chirac, President of France


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'The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee.'


Regis Philbin


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'You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it.'


John McCain , U.S. Senator from Arizona


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'The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag.'


David Letterman


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'Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada.'


Ted Nugent


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'War without France would be like .. World War II.'


Unknown


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'The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq , then France '


Tom Brokaw


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'What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?'


Dennis Miller


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'It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us.'


Alan Kent


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'They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.'


Argus Hamilton


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'Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day --the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'


Rep. Roy Blunt, MO


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'The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq '


Dennis Miller


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Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?


A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?


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'Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris ? It's not known, it's never been tried.'


Rep. R. Blount, MO


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'Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining.'


John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv


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The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.


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French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney


(AP), Paris , March 5, 2003


The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris , caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

Ricracing

I'm not so sure I appreciate the jokes about the French during the WW2.

But if you really want to have a good laugh, follow what the Prime Minister of Italy
Mr. Silvio Berlusconi says and does...

PraiseTheLowered

'What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?'


Dennis Miller

this one is my fav

France is a tough ass country when it has to deal with issues internally but for some reason whoever runs their actual foreign policy is a real pussy at most times

btw dennis miller for president. Hes the only comedian i watch that I have to have a thesauras on hand when hes talking lol

PraiseTheLowered

you are just a plain racist again italians, I dont know or care why either.

You have plenty of threads that show it too

CWS530

The thing is, Lyon and Nice are two of my favorite places in the world. I've always been treated well, and the food is tops. I just thought some of the jokes were funny, if a bit played. Maybe someone can post some American jokes--plenty of those!

Ricracing

Yes and no, but an extra NO for racism.

I do love Italian people, culture and food, but not Mr. Berlusconi and the mafia thinking.

The only Italian car I would buy is a Ferrari, it's a legend, but I can't afford one.


Nor am I a fan of the fascism nor nazi thinking.
A pic of Mussolini and Hitler together will refresh your history thinking, maybe?

PraiseTheLowered

I am a history Major big guy. I know about the pact that was made.

Do you know anything about how he revamped the country?

Iceman

Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to change a light bulb?



ONE!
He holds the bulb while the world turns around him!

CWS530

C'mon guys, I don't think anyone here is a racist. Just kidding around.

BTW for me:

My suits are Italian or British
My cars are German
My shoes are almost always Italian (even Mark Nasons are made in Italy)
My shirts and ties are Italian or British
My watches are Swiss
My kicks are German (Adidas or Puma)
My scotch is, well, Scotch
My vodka is Polish or Russian
My beer is German, Dutch, or well, anywhere they make beer (Guatemala, Japan, Egypt, Bolivia, Thailand, etc.)
I'm pretty sure all my LED mods originated somewhere in Asia.
My tires are French.
My camera is Japanese.
My cell phone is Korean.
My coffee is Costa Rican.
My dinner last night was Mexican.
My cheese is French or Dutch.
My wine is Argentine, French, or American.
My cognac obviously is French.


And on and on.

Ain't it great to live in a world where we can have such variety?

The bigger question, I suppose, is who gives a sh*t about my dinner...or anything else?

mrfva

Well, what is for dinner tonight Calvin?