A bloke gets a job at the local zoo.....
04-22-2009, 02:55 AM
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A bloke gets a job at the local zoo and on his first day he goes to the head keeper and asks what he wants him to do. The head keeper tells him to clean out the tropical fish tank.
So he is busy scrubbing the sides of the tank with all the brightly coloured tropical fish darting about, when a great big monstrous fish swims up and bites his hand. He tries to shake it off but it won't let go and in desperation he starts to hammer the creature against the side of the tank.
Eventually it lets go but sadly it dies in the struggle and floats to the top. "Sh*t!" thinks our man, first day on the job and I've killed one of the exhibits, what am I going to do? He decides he has to get rid of the evidence and the lions look like the best bet because they will eat anything.
Stuffing the fish under his coat he sneaks off to the lions enclosure and while no one is looking he lobs it over the fence where it is devoured by the lions.
He goes back to the head keeper and asks what he wants him to do next. The keeper tells him to sweep out the monkey cage. So he is merrily shovelling up the muck from the bottom of the monkey cage when - splat! a lump of turd hits him on the back of the head. He turns around to see a playful pair of chimpanzees gibbering with delight at their new game.
Our man gives the mischievous monkeys a firm stare and tries to carry on cleaning the cage - splat! goes another turd, and splat! another makes a direct hit. For an insane moment our new boy's patience snaps and in a fit of rage he swings round with his shovel and clatters the 2 monkeys, killing them stone dead.
"Sh*t and double sh*t!" thinks our man, look what I've done now, what am I going to do? So he thinks to himself, the lions worked last time maybe I'll try it again, they eat anything don't they? He drags the dead monkeys to the lion enclosure and lobs then over the fence where they are promptly devoured by the lions.
Again our hapless worker goes to the zoo keeper and asks what wants doing next. Where he is told to collect the honey from the Amazonian killer bees. He is busy pulling the honey filled boards from the beehive when a bee stings him, then another and another until the whole swarm of bees is buzzing angrily around his head. In a panic he lashes out with the honey soaked board and batters every last bee into a pulp. "Sh*t, Not Again!!!" he thinks and as you might have guessed the lions eat anything, so again he takes the evidence to the lion enclosure and throws it in, where they are devoured by the lions.
The next day a new lion is delivered to the zoo. He strolls into the lion enclosure and meets the rest of the lions.
"Hello" he says.
"Alright" say the other lions
"What's it like here then?" asks the new lion
"Not bad" say the other lions
"Food ok?" enquires the new lion
"Yeah, brilliant, yesterday we had Fish, Chimps and Mushy Bees!"
So he is busy scrubbing the sides of the tank with all the brightly coloured tropical fish darting about, when a great big monstrous fish swims up and bites his hand. He tries to shake it off but it won't let go and in desperation he starts to hammer the creature against the side of the tank.
Eventually it lets go but sadly it dies in the struggle and floats to the top. "Sh*t!" thinks our man, first day on the job and I've killed one of the exhibits, what am I going to do? He decides he has to get rid of the evidence and the lions look like the best bet because they will eat anything.
Stuffing the fish under his coat he sneaks off to the lions enclosure and while no one is looking he lobs it over the fence where it is devoured by the lions.
He goes back to the head keeper and asks what he wants him to do next. The keeper tells him to sweep out the monkey cage. So he is merrily shovelling up the muck from the bottom of the monkey cage when - splat! a lump of turd hits him on the back of the head. He turns around to see a playful pair of chimpanzees gibbering with delight at their new game.
Our man gives the mischievous monkeys a firm stare and tries to carry on cleaning the cage - splat! goes another turd, and splat! another makes a direct hit. For an insane moment our new boy's patience snaps and in a fit of rage he swings round with his shovel and clatters the 2 monkeys, killing them stone dead.
"Sh*t and double sh*t!" thinks our man, look what I've done now, what am I going to do? So he thinks to himself, the lions worked last time maybe I'll try it again, they eat anything don't they? He drags the dead monkeys to the lion enclosure and lobs then over the fence where they are promptly devoured by the lions.
Again our hapless worker goes to the zoo keeper and asks what wants doing next. Where he is told to collect the honey from the Amazonian killer bees. He is busy pulling the honey filled boards from the beehive when a bee stings him, then another and another until the whole swarm of bees is buzzing angrily around his head. In a panic he lashes out with the honey soaked board and batters every last bee into a pulp. "Sh*t, Not Again!!!" he thinks and as you might have guessed the lions eat anything, so again he takes the evidence to the lion enclosure and throws it in, where they are devoured by the lions.
The next day a new lion is delivered to the zoo. He strolls into the lion enclosure and meets the rest of the lions.
"Hello" he says.
"Alright" say the other lions
"What's it like here then?" asks the new lion
"Not bad" say the other lions
"Food ok?" enquires the new lion
"Yeah, brilliant, yesterday we had Fish, Chimps and Mushy Bees!"
04-22-2009, 06:30 AM
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Originally Posted by MarcsOnFire' post='854970' date='Apr 22 2009, 03:55 AM
"Yeah, brilliant, yesterday we had Fish, Chimps and Mushy Bees!"
But I think the Mushy Bees reference will be lost on most of the non-Brits!
04-22-2009, 06:40 AM
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Originally Posted by swajames' post='855091' date='Apr 22 2009, 09:30 AM
But I think the Mushy Bees reference will be lost on most of the non-Brits!
True! For the non-Brits, there is a dish in the UK called mushy peas...
04-22-2009, 06:51 AM
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04-22-2009, 06:55 AM
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Originally Posted by craigm1841' post='854976' date='Apr 22 2009, 04:04 AM
04-22-2009, 07:26 AM
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Good one Marc!
04-22-2009, 08:30 AM
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