I know that it was said that there is no talking to your ex about this and no way to resolve it privately, but I'd say - and I'm not a lawyer, so I'm exempt from Calvin's remarks - you should at least try to devise a strategy to get her to agree that this $600 a mo is better spent on something else. Perhaps, you can convince her that it will be better if you simply deposited $600 a month in your daughter's name in a bank... either way, specifics aside, I'd definitely try to figure out a way to get her to agree with you voluntarily. Can't imagine that any additional court action can go without stirring up some additional drama that will inevitably lead to your having to pay more... sorry, if this is not what you were looking for.

 

Muchas gracias.

 

Look, there is nothing she needs the money for. Again, I asked her to come up with anything (anything) that the money goes towards and she couldn't come up with it. She still makes food, heats/cools the house, etc for her family. Maybe I am missing something but I have her half the time and have my own expenses, she does and she has hers, why should I pay her? So this is what I did.

I told her, let it be known, that I (we) are not paying for college...our agreement states neither has to. She's huge on college, her husbands has a masters and PHD so he's all about it. I sign every check with CP (child support, then the month) but to me it's College Payment . Come 8 years from now, my daughter can get a partial loan or they will pay it in full, not me. This way I get my money back. She has no right to child support, none at all. Crazy! I even suggested opening a college fund (529) and I'd put the money in it monthly but they didn't want anything to do with it. Duh!

Guys always get screwed!

Think I will contact an attorney. Thanks guys!

 

I'm north of Philadelphia...thanks in advance

 

Hi

Obviously the laws vary so as others have said, you need expert advice. I had years of being fought for access, being told it was not about the money yet constantly fighting in the courts. It was a massive drain on my new family and our happiness over the years.

Eventually I engaged a lawyer who gave me some very good advice, took the emotion right out of it and I haven't looked back.

As a father I have an obligation to contribute to my childs upbringing (which I have no problem with despite the fact that it was my ex' spending money), even though access has been constantly resisted. My lawyer suggested we calculate the entire monthly amount to the age of 18 (whereupon my legal requirements cease) and when I looked at it as a lump sum, it was for me about $11k. He then suggested we strike a legal agreement to cease war in the courts, I would be left alone by the government, she gets the money and I have done my bit. I stopped fighting for access as over the years of denial I have lost contact with my daughter, and quite frankly I couldn't let her mother continue to use her as a bargaining chip.

I came to the realization it was a bit like a car loan or debt, which I paid and moved on. I reasoned that when my daughter is older, and she one day asks my side of events, I will tell her why I fought and why I gave up.

So, whilst some may question why I gave up the fight, the reality is that both my family and hers are better off for the lack of conflict, I have paid my dues and don't have to be confronted with what she does with it and my daughter was too young to have this visited upon her.

The emotional relief once I paid and let go was the single smartest thing I did in a no win conflict. Yes I still think of her almost every day, and it is sad, but I have obligations to the welfare and happiness of my own family which is FAR more important.

Maybe the above is a practical course of action you might consider in order to lessen the energy and angst of the fight..........

Cheers

J

 

Some states (at least in GA) have govt. agencies that oversee and child support rulings. You should find out if PA is one of them. You probably won't get the answer you are hoping for but its worth a try.

As for your ex not being able to tell you what the $600 goes for - she didn't try hard enough. Depending on the child's age $600 can go by pretty damn quick. And no matter how you look at it, at the end of the day its still your child.

If I were you I'd be more worried about keeping that payment from going UP.

 

this thread makes me sad actually.. it really does.. children are always mixed up in a divorce and ive been in it and experienced it firsthand..

if your paying 600$ a month.. to me that sounds cheap..lol.. soryr i know its not what you want to hear givin her current financial situation, but i have never heard of a child support case lowering the payments.. ever! lol.. so if that money is going toward her car payment.. then thats bad doing on her half.. she should be taking that money and putting it away, not even telling your daughter and letting her have it when she is legal, etc.. parents mis-spend money intended for kids all the time..


i had a friend also who did what VHHDT did.. they calculated a lump some.. and he "theoretically" bought her out.. gave her what she was entitled too and no more payments.. this way he moved on without worrying about monthly payments.. he DOES see his daughter often though.. weekly in fact which is nice and he does buy her things and doesnt take into consideration what he gave her mother years ago.. divorce sucks ass royally and i hope i never have to go that route.. good luck with whatever happens.. just try not to ever let your daughter know that you are arguing about money that is for her..

and calvin!!!! im gonna make you a cup of espresso with a lemon rhine and well chat and people watch.. chill baby boy!!

 

If she is big on college and is going to pay for it anyway, could you convince her to open a 528 college savings fund and let you deposit the checks directly into the account for the child each month? This would be a win/win. You know the money is going to your child and not a car payment and she (ex-wife) will not have to shell out that money when she does send the child to college.

 

I suggested opening a 529 fund, in both names and she resisted. I'm sticking with my orig plan and specifying to her that my $600/month goes towards college and that I am not contributing when my daughter goes. My daughter might have to get a loan then but ultimately my ex will pay for it and she hates college loans. I'll win...might take 10 years but I will win

 

I have to say, divorce does suck and I'm glad we had only one child and she was only 4 then which is far better than being over say 8. We all actually have a nice relationship, always together at softball, all cordial, etc. My daughter says she likes it because she gets two of everything plus my wife is a godsend for her so all is good!