jd604

Dear forum frequenters,

I posted a couple of weeks ago asking what other types of cars the e60 owners on this forum had considered and I received a wonderful welcome and response from everyone here.

That is why I now, after having been to the Vancouver Autoshow and being promised a demo drive in a press vehicle, feel obligated to apologize -- for I have been entranced by the Mercedes-Benz rolling oxymoron that is the CLS.

I know what you are saying ... it is a Chrysler, it has bad build quality, reliability, the arse-quarters of an American styling disaster, handles like half-melted pudding, and it is as long as a boat ... among other less savory sentiments. Believe me, fellow bimmerati, that these were the same feelings that pushed me from my CLK430 in '99 to the 540i in '01.

The CLS is not a coupe. It is a very sleek sedan/saloon. I do not care where the product manager is trying to cram this vehicle into the perceptual map - it has 4 doors, ergo not a coupe. Having said that, you would be hard-pressed to find another 4 door vehicle with as dynamic a profile this side of a Quattroporte.

And yes, the interior is current E-Class redux but call me a sucker (my fragile ego dares you) but that huge swath of wood on the dash, car-length console, and highly plush/intimate cabin feel is beyond current offerings in this price range in terms of emotional arousal; like a warm caress rather than a Teutonic handshake.

Of course my calling the CLS cabin 'intimate' can be likened to an honest real estate agent (whoa, there is room for two oxymora in this diatribe?) pronouncing the shack where the Unabomber sniffed glue to be 'quaint', 'airy', and fairly exploding with 'rustic charm'. I am 6'1" and, unless you sheared the top few inches of my skull straight off, the backseat had me staring into my lap constantly with nothing but the cold glass of the rear window pressing against the back of my head as a constant reminder that I am not of Lilliput.

Then there is the trunk lid. I hope every person who is seriously considering the CLS takes a go at manually opening and closing the trunk. Maybe I am too used to the tank-like feel of the e39's solid boot (which, to date, no Bimmer uninitiated person I know has been able to close successfully on their first attempt) but the trunk on the M-B feels and sounds like tinfoil. There is no reassuringly German 'ka-chunk' as you unload your Louis Vuitton luggage; no, it is more like a high pitch metallic 'twang' on the CLS and that left me just a tad more disillusioned with the Chryslerfication of Mercedes' products.

But what is a man to do? The CLS has captured my imagination whereas Bangle's vision has left me partially blind; maybe the '07/'08 e60 re-freshening LASIK will restore my sight so that I may see past the 'flame-surfaced' panels of the exterior, geometrically misaligned furnishings of the interior, and overabundance of fussy gewgaws, to the pure driving machine underneath. Meanwhile, the seductive CLS is beckoning me with its rock-star poseur promises and, according to all reviews thus far, a solid performance when actually driving.

I am weak... I am the weathervane for temptation lightning... I am as loyal to a brand as infrequent Cola drinkers.

And I am now severely torn between the 5-series and the CLS. Though I perused the other offerings from other marques and while some may be quite adequate (e.g. both the Lexus GS and Infiniti M seem light-years ahead of when I compared their respective iterations prior to my e39 purchase) I simply felt no attachment to them. Oh, woe is me...

There will be some of you who may deride this post as nothing more than useless whiny drivel which I should not have wasted your time with. If that is the case - ha ha! score one point for me since it is patently obvious that my sole aim and goal in life is to take time away from your cubicle adventures in Solitaire.

For the more educated/less Neolithic among us, I hope you can understand my need for your opinion and your intervention. I implore you to help save me from myself.

In the end, if it makes any of you feel any better, I will flagellate myself mercilessly (mea culpa... mea culpa... mea maxima culpa...) before plunging into the Aegean until I come to my senses and place a deposit on the M5 instead.

Oh, and thanks for reading -- feel free to continue that game of Solitaire or Hearts at your leisure.

BurgessMW

I know this won't really help much but to be honest, it wouldn't suck to drive either car. I don't see how you can go wrong given those two choices...

Rudy

Get the car that you like best. That's it.

kscarrol

Turn away from the darkside! Just kidding, as the others said, go with the car that you like. No one here will fault you for your decision, just enjoy which ever car you finally choose...

550i

LOL @ your post. That was an entertaining read.

I hear ya on the Bangle comment. My suggestion is the 5 series can still be "fixed" if you will, with larger wheels and either an M kit or Hamann kit. Whenever I see the 5 series I'm not overly impressed. But whenever I see the pic of the Hamann 545i I start drooling.

550i

This is what I'm talking about with the drooling. IMO it looks 1000x better.

Hormazd

I have driven the CLS. The handling just does not compare to the 545i with SP.
I must concede that the CLS is a gorgeous design albeit very cramped at the back. The interior is very well appointed and better than the E60 but the car is way pricier than the e60 545i.

ultimately you must buy what you like.

550i

Then again this CLS looks pretty good as well.

PhP

jd604,

That is the most amusing and best written post in years! When will your first book be out? I'm gonna read it again!

Cheers,

Philip

derrickj

I think you need to abandon both as a consideration, resign yourself to an isolated island in the caribbean and begin a career as a writer.