Random Thoughts
08-26-2009, 09:46 PM
#1
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Random thoughts
1. -I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
2. -More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think
about is that I can't wait for them to finish
so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more
directly involves me.
3 -Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong.
4 -I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
have fun." Great, no one does.
But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the
lighter?
5-That's enough, Nickelback.
6-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.
7-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I
deliberately choose not to be friends with?
8-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
9-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what
the f was going on when I first saw it.
10-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it
with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around
to confirm that everyone's
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit
harder (and a millisecond earlier)
to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
11-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
12 -I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
13 - I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.
14 -The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to
finish a text.
15 - A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
spread of mono and the flu.
Yeah, if you suck at it.
16 - Was learning cursive really necessary?
17- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to
say".
18- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.
19- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying.
20- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all
I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm
imaginary smart".
21- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
22- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a d!ck from
cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
23- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot.
Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's
G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
24-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each
other?
25- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
26- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.
27- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.
28- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.
29 -Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.
30- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to
be used as a way to make fun
of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught
the swine flu last night."
31-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
32 - Bad decisions make good stories
33-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas
morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546
pictures? Don't mind if I do!
34 - Is it just me or do=2 0high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every
year?
35 -If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would
probably just be completely invisible.
36 -Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a
problem....
37 -You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive
for the rest of the day.
38 -Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want
to have to restart my collection.
39 -There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a
little too far.
40 -I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did
not make any changes to.
41 - "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
42 -I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching
TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if
I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only
a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be
friends after this?'
43 -I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to
voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
44 - I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
45 -When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet
stalking.
46 -I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then
I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
47 -Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed
for pedophiles...
48 - As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate driver s,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
49 -Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.
50 -It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
51 -I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
52 -Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to
with it.
53 -Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but
I'd bet my a$s everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet
away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
54 -My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
55 -It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the
link takes me to a video instead of text.
56 -I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.
57 -I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
58 -I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
59 -The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
they had included four sets of plastic
silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order,
took a second to think about it, and then
estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a
large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like
being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.
1. -I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
2. -More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think
about is that I can't wait for them to finish
so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more
directly involves me.
3 -Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong.
4 -I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
have fun." Great, no one does.
But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the
lighter?
5-That's enough, Nickelback.
6-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.
7-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I
deliberately choose not to be friends with?
8-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
9-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what
the f was going on when I first saw it.
10-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it
with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around
to confirm that everyone's
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit
harder (and a millisecond earlier)
to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
11-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
12 -I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
13 - I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.
14 -The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to
finish a text.
15 - A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
spread of mono and the flu.
Yeah, if you suck at it.
16 - Was learning cursive really necessary?
17- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to
say".
18- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.
19- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying.
20- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all
I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm
imaginary smart".
21- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
22- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a d!ck from
cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
23- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot.
Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's
G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
24-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each
other?
25- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
26- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.
27- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.
28- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.
29 -Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.
30- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to
be used as a way to make fun
of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught
the swine flu last night."
31-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
32 - Bad decisions make good stories
33-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas
morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546
pictures? Don't mind if I do!
34 - Is it just me or do=2 0high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every
year?
35 -If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would
probably just be completely invisible.
36 -Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a
problem....
37 -You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive
for the rest of the day.
38 -Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want
to have to restart my collection.
39 -There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a
little too far.
40 -I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did
not make any changes to.
41 - "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
42 -I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching
TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if
I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only
a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be
friends after this?'
43 -I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to
voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
44 - I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
45 -When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet
stalking.
46 -I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then
I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
47 -Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed
for pedophiles...
48 - As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate driver s,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
49 -Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.
50 -It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
51 -I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
52 -Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to
with it.
53 -Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but
I'd bet my a$s everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet
away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
54 -My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
55 -It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the
link takes me to a video instead of text.
56 -I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.
57 -I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
58 -I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
59 -The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
they had included four sets of plastic
silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order,
took a second to think about it, and then
estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a
large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like
being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.
08-26-2009, 10:37 PM
#6
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My Ride: 2008 550I LOADED, all options except HUD and NV
Originally Posted by acuteperformance' post='990025' date='Aug 26 2009, 10:50 PM
1. I wish you could also plot your own routes.
3. Doesn't happen.
8. Hehe I'd prefer a sarcasm punctuation.
3. Doesn't happen.
8. Hehe I'd prefer a sarcasm punctuation.
08-26-2009, 11:26 PM
#7
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Thousand Oaks, California
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My Ride: 2008 550i Jet Black on Black Leather, SAT with Paddles, Logic 7, Comfort Seats, NAV, Sport Package, PDC, Xenons, Sirius, Trinity 12W LED Angel Eyes, RPi GT Exhaust, M rear spoiler, ACS Roof Spoiler, Tinted Tail Lights, Bimmian Carbon Fiber Pillar Trim, Bimmian Shadow 550i emblem, RPi Scoop, E60 Forum Cling, Mtec bulbs in fog lights, Mtec 2W LED for License Plate Light Bulbs, K&N Filter, Bimmian LED Smoked Side Markers, Blackout roundels, Carbon Fiber Kidney Grills.
Retired Rides - 1989 325i convertible, 1995 M3, 2002 X5, 2005 545i, 2008 X5 (Lemon)
Very funny....someone is channeling George Carlin!
08-27-2009, 12:04 AM
#8
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Location: Zoo York
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My Ride: Alpine White 2006 530Xi (SLD)
Originally Posted by pjinca' post='990073' date='Aug 27 2009, 02:37 AM
Michael, admit it - you stopped reading after #8 didn't you?
08-27-2009, 12:28 AM
#9
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Location: Toronto, Ontario
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Wow. You do have some wonderful insights.
9-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what
the f was going on when I first saw it.
17- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to
say".
And the rest... i dunno im too tired to read! but ill finish it another time.
9-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what
the f was going on when I first saw it.
17- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to
say".
And the rest... i dunno im too tired to read! but ill finish it another time.
