Mysteries of Life
04-28-2005, 02:04 PM
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1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
2. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever eat?
3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not one in the freezer?
4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
6. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
7. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
8. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
9. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
10. What do you call male ballerinas?
11. Can blind people see their dreams?
12. Why ARE Trix only for kids?
13. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
14. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
15. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
16. If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
17. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if there is a "wet paint"
sign somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
18. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
19. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
20. Why do the alphabet song and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" have
the same tune?
21. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
22. Why do they call it an 'asteroid' when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a 'hemorrhoid' when it's inside your ass?
23. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever eat?
3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not one in the freezer?
4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
6. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
7. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
8. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
9. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
10. What do you call male ballerinas?
11. Can blind people see their dreams?
12. Why ARE Trix only for kids?
13. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
14. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
15. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
16. If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
17. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if there is a "wet paint"
sign somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
18. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
19. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
20. Why do the alphabet song and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" have
the same tune?
21. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
22. Why do they call it an 'asteroid' when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a 'hemorrhoid' when it's inside your ass?
23. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
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