cobradav

SOmeone got me started
Toivo, a Finlander from Brantwood, finally gets a ticket to a Packer game. His seat is in the nosebleed section but that's OK - he's at Lambeau Field. So he starts looking around with his binoculars and sees a guy in one of the best seats in the stadium with an empty seat beside him. It looks like an old friend named Ole he knew when he went to school up north. This is driving Toivo nuts, so finally at half time, he goes down, says hello to his old friend, and asks Ole why he has a vacant seat in such a choice location.
Ole says, "My wife, Lena, and I bought dese here seats a long time ago. But sadly, my dear Lena has passed avay."
"Oh, I'm really sorry to hear dat", Toivo says, "but vhy didn't you give da ticket to anudder relative or a friend?"
Ole replies, "I tried to but everyone vanted to go to her funeral instead."

--

Ole went to the doctor for a physical. After Ole was dressed the doctor came in and said "I am sorry Ole, but you are very sick and have only a few weeks to live". Ole went home with a heavy heart to tell Lena the news. After Ole told Lena he sat in his easy chair and Lena went to the kitchen. Soon a heavenly aroma came from the kitchen. Lena was making his favorite cookies! "Lena must really love me" he thought. Ole went into the kitchen and started to take a cookie - Lena slapped his hand away and said "Get avay! Dese cookies aren't for you, dere for da funeral!"

--

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.

--

One particular Sunday Ole was lying back in the hammock and, having just returned from church with Lena, he was feeling a little religious.
"God," said Ole, "vhen you made Lena, vhy did you make her so nice and round and so pleasant to hold?"
Suddenly a voice from above said, "So you would love her, Ole."
"Vell then vhy, oh vhy," asked Ole, "vhy Lord did you make her so stupid?"
"So she would love you," said the voice.

--

A few years back, on the opening day of deer season, Ole and Sven went hunting together. Sure enough, as was bound to happen with Ole and Sven in the same swamp with guns, Ole accidently shot Sven. Well, Ole jumps into the truck, drives down to the nearest bar and calls the ambulance. Soon, the police, game wardens, fire trucks, EMTs and the ambulance all show up at the scene of the tragedy. The EMTs work frantically on Sven while a nervous Ole waits nearby.
Finally, one of the exhausted paramedics comes over to Ole. "I'm sorry," she says, "We did everything we could. We just couldn't save him."
"OH NO!",cries Ole. "My only brudder! Vat vill I do? I'm so sorry, Sven! Vat could I have done to save you?"
"Well," said the EMT, with a look of disgusted anger on her face, "It would've helped a LOT if you hadn't gutted him out!"

--

And finally one with ICE in it

Ole and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing. As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say, "There are no fish under the ice."
Ole an Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little stronger, " There are no fish under the ice." They both looked around and then looked up.
Ole said in a humble voice, "Are you God?"
The voice spoke back, "No ya damned idiots! I'm the ice rink attendant."

Iceman

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