Mens' Rules
Thread Starter
Members
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 105
Likes: 0
After being entertained by this forum, I think I should contribute too....hopefully this is not a repost 
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules? from the male side.
These are our rules:
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1.Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to?change that
1.Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put?it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining?about you leaving it down.
1.Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the?tides. Let it be
1.Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it?that way.
1.Crying is blackmail.
1.Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
JUST SAY IT!
1.?Yes? and ?No? are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
1.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for
1.A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
1.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days
1.If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us
1.If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself
1.Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials
1.Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we
1.ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1.If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1.If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle
1.If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear
1.When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine,?Really
1.Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to?discuss such topics as:
Sex,
Sport, or
Cars
1.You have enough clothes
1.You have too many shoes
1.I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1.Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules? from the male side.
These are our rules:
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1.Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to?change that
1.Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put?it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining?about you leaving it down.
1.Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the?tides. Let it be
1.Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it?that way.
1.Crying is blackmail.
1.Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
JUST SAY IT!
1.?Yes? and ?No? are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
1.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for
1.A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
1.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days
1.If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us
1.If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself
1.Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials
1.Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we
1.ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1.If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1.If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle
1.If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear
1.When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine,?Really
1.Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to?discuss such topics as:
Sex,
Sport, or
Cars
1.You have enough clothes
1.You have too many shoes
1.I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1.Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Senior Members
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 807
Likes: 0
From: Boston,MA
My Ride: 2003 X5 3.0----->gone
2004 Porsche Cayenne S : Gemballa front and back bodykit, fabspeed bypass pipes, Gemballa exhaust pipes, full option, 20" factory sport design rims------>gone
2005 545i 6-spd manual---->de-badged, CDV removal, Autosolutions short shift kit, resonator removal, premium package, PDC, xenon, almost full options, hardwire V1 install ....looking for mods...
2007 550i 6-spd----> Premium package, sport package, Logic7, heated everything, Rogue Engineering SSK, CDV removal, hardwire V1 install, aFe cold air intake, Custom Magnaflow exhaust....
hahahahahahahhaaa awesome!!!!! 
ok....what the hell is mauve?? i dont know....
ok....what the hell is mauve?? i dont know....
Contributors
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 2,926
Likes: 0
From: Singapore
My Ride: 530iA Silver Grey , black interior. Premium Package, Navigation System, Head-up Display, Radio Satellite, Adaptive Xenon Headlights. AC Schnitzer Front Lip, H&R springs, Rear red reflector, All season Floor mat,
Senior Members
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 261
Likes: 0
From: Georgia
My Ride: '06 530i Silver Gray/Black, Sport, Prem., Logic 7, Cold Weather, Auto, M Aero package, Nav, Comfort Seats, IPod aux
Originally Posted by miss525i' post='209401' date='Dec 9 2005, 09:34 PM
[attachment=16773:attachment] oh nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! you guys really know it all by now 
Senior Members
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 702
Likes: 0
From: Queens, NYC
My Ride: 335i Sedan
[/quote]
What planet are you from?? it definately aint Venus! I was also wondering after you answer my 1st question are more women from your planet currently migrating or populating themselves on planet Earth?
Contributors
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 763
Likes: 0
From: Myrtle Beach, SC
My Ride: 2012 535i M Sport Package
[/quote]
Still trying to figure this out...was that a compliment?
As to your first question, we might have something in common and I might be on your side sometime...but still from Venus
and I am one of a kind...couldn't find anymore on planet Earth
