DD_545i

Shouldn't we have a joke thread up in here? I'll kick it off with one from last night's South Park:

Cartman:
My Mom's so poor she walks down the street with only one shoe on, and
when people ask her if she lost a shoe, she says "No, I found one"

DKNewYork

Here's one from my cousin who's a cop. His partner told him this joke. Probably a old cop joke.

Q: How many cops does it take to throw a man down a flight of stairs?






A: None. He fell down.

DD_545i

The Dalai Lama goes into a Pizza restaurant and says "Can you make me one with everything"

Anzafin

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out.

The bartender yells for him to stop. The panda bear asks, "What do you want?" The bartender replies, "First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food."

The panda bear turns around and says, "Hey! I'm a Panda. Look it up!" The bartender goes into the back room and looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read: "Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for it's stark black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

tex_phil

You know you work with tech guys when you hear this joke at work.

What did the router say to the doctor?

It hurts when IP

west

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

530inOK

Two Prostitutes -- $50.00

.

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which read: 'Two Prostitutes -- $50.00.'

Suddenly a passing patrol officer spotted the sign displayed on the top of their car, stopped them, and warned them
they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

About that time, another car passed by, with a sign saying: 'JESUS SAVES.'
One of the girls asked the officer, 'How come you don't stop them?!'

'Well, that's a little different,' the officer smiled, 'Their sign pertains to religion.'

So the two ladies of the night frowned, and taking down their sign drove off.

The following day found the same patrol officer, in the area when he noticed the same two ladies driving around with a
large sign on their car again.
Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them, when he noticed that there was now a new sign which read:

Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter -- $50.00

DD_545i

My wife and I bought the boxed set of Star Wars on DVD and watched them all back to back.
Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the screen. - Milton Jones

525iEnjoy

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

theonlychoman

Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button and you'll be disconnected...