craigm1841

Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1) For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2) Every time they painted new lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
3) Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4) Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5) Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6) Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
7) The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8) New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9) The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10) Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11) GM would also require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12) Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13) You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

craigm1841

i just realized number 13.... i do push the start button to shut off the engine. i think whoever wrote this was running out of ideas because they progressively get worse.

CWS530

You're throwing tomatoes at me? Get some new material already! We have forum members younger than that joke!

littlemouse

Not bad.... but Calvins last effort gets my vote

craigm1841

remeber, i am still a noob around here. i havent seen all the posts that you guys saw years ago!

Idonkare

It's a comedy smackdown between CWS & Craig...at least an attempt to

craigm1841

and i cant spell. and i use firefox which has a built in spell checker... btw firefox spell checks to Firefox. that is somewhat pretentious...

craigm1841

i can find some jokes that woudl likely get me banned, and i could do it without being dirty or racist.

luigi524td

Who is Bill Gates ??

CWS530

I've only been around a little over a year myself. Seriously, That joke's gotta be ten years old. Bill Gates doesn't work at Microsoft anymore, and Jack Welch left GM in 2000.