Elderly Sex
04-10-2009, 02:27 PM
#1
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My Ride: 2004 545i, Sport and Premium package, Titanium Silver with Black Dakota Leather interior
Two elderly couples, friends for years, recently moved in to an Assisted Living Facility.
The 2 wives get together for lunch one day and start discussing their change of house and home. They both are fairly positive about the change, but one of the wives complains that her sex life has been non-existent since the move.
The other wife explains that her sex life has been nothing but fantastic since the move. She proceeds to explain that her secret is to pull her knees up to her ears and lock her ankles behind her head while her husband is in the bathroom getting ready for bed. When he comes out of the bathroom and sees me, she explains, he gets very aroused and then we have passionate sex!
The other wife takes her friend's advice and decides to try the same tactics with her husband. That night while he is in the bathroom preparing for bed, she strips naked and climbs into bed. She proceeds to slowly and painfully pull her right knee up towards her head and get her right heel behind her head. With even more effort and pain she manages to get her left leg in place.
After completing this, she uncontrollably rocks backward on to her neck and remains stuck in this position, with her a** up in the air.
Her husband proceeds to exit the bathroom and turn off the lights. He looks at his wife, rubs his eyes and says...
"Jesus Christ Mildred, put your teeth in and comb your hair... you look like an asshole."
The 2 wives get together for lunch one day and start discussing their change of house and home. They both are fairly positive about the change, but one of the wives complains that her sex life has been non-existent since the move.
The other wife explains that her sex life has been nothing but fantastic since the move. She proceeds to explain that her secret is to pull her knees up to her ears and lock her ankles behind her head while her husband is in the bathroom getting ready for bed. When he comes out of the bathroom and sees me, she explains, he gets very aroused and then we have passionate sex!
The other wife takes her friend's advice and decides to try the same tactics with her husband. That night while he is in the bathroom preparing for bed, she strips naked and climbs into bed. She proceeds to slowly and painfully pull her right knee up towards her head and get her right heel behind her head. With even more effort and pain she manages to get her left leg in place.
After completing this, she uncontrollably rocks backward on to her neck and remains stuck in this position, with her a** up in the air.
Her husband proceeds to exit the bathroom and turn off the lights. He looks at his wife, rubs his eyes and says...
"Jesus Christ Mildred, put your teeth in and comb your hair... you look like an asshole."
04-10-2009, 02:35 PM
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My Ride: 2005 545i Sport Package Limo Tinted, Heads up display, Fully Loaded Minus Cold Weather Package and Rear window Sunshades.
:thumbsdown: Quick someone grab the tomatoes!!!
04-10-2009, 09:36 PM
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My Ride: 2008 550i Jet Black on Black Leather, SAT with Paddles, Logic 7, Comfort Seats, NAV, Sport Package, PDC, Xenons, Sirius, Trinity 12W LED Angel Eyes, RPi GT Exhaust, M rear spoiler, ACS Roof Spoiler, Tinted Tail Lights, Bimmian Carbon Fiber Pillar Trim, Bimmian Shadow 550i emblem, RPi Scoop, E60 Forum Cling, Mtec bulbs in fog lights, Mtec 2W LED for License Plate Light Bulbs, K&N Filter, Bimmian LED Smoked Side Markers, Blackout roundels, Carbon Fiber Kidney Grills.
Retired Rides - 1989 325i convertible, 1995 M3, 2002 X5, 2005 545i, 2008 X5 (Lemon)
TFF! 
A real groaner! 
A real groaner!
04-11-2009, 12:56 AM
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My Ride: 2005 545i Sport Package Limo Tinted, Heads up display, Fully Loaded Minus Cold Weather Package and Rear window Sunshades.
Originally Posted by flyingpuck' post='843813' date='Apr 10 2009, 09:36 PM
TFF! A real groaner!
A real groaner! How does this joke get more views than mine? haha wtf.
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