BMW IN SMG MODE MADNESS
10-13-2004, 01:09 PM
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Found this at: http://www.sniffpetrol.com/
Love the stop the press part 
BMW IN SMG MODE MADNESS
BMW's brand new M5 has stunned road testers with its performance, handling and a remarkable 11 separate modes for the car's seven-speed SMG sequential gearbox. However, despite claims that this is simply "too many" modes, engineers in Munich are said to be hard at work on even more selectable options for future versions of the semi-manual transmission. "You can never have too many modes," said one high-ranking engineeringer. "That's why the next generation SMG will come with over 100 user selectable settings, almost all of them bafflingly pointless. To begin with there will be some fairly obvious choices such as 'Sport' which offers a more aggressive change strategy, 'Track Sport' which offers even more aggressive change strategy, and 'Club Sport' which offers a change strategy so aggressive that on every upchange the car will literally smack the driver in the face with a big club. These settings will be joined by other sport modes including 'Lucozade Sport', 'Sky Sport' and 'Dickie Davies' World Of Sport'"
However, our Munich source says that this is just the tip of a very silly, gearbox-related iceberg. "The real developments for the next SMG system will come in automatic mode," he claims. "Traditional autoboxes typically feature just a simple 'Winter' mode. We will take this to the next logical step with 'Spring', 'Summer' and 'Autumn' modes, plus additional settings including 'Drizzle', 'Light Breeze', 'Slightly Overcast' and 'Oooh, It's Mild For The Time Of Year' modes".
Our BMW spy also claims that further developments may include modes selectable on the basis of the driver's mood, including 'Comfort', 'Tired', 'Bloody Annoyed' and 'Strangely Wistful'. However, he denied recent rumours that we may also in future see a 'Shouldn't You Have Decided On The Car's Settings For Us Since You're The Fucking Engineers' mode.
STOP PRESS: There was anger at BMW last night following the return of a new M5 press car used for an Autocar road test. Munich sources say the vehicle may have to be scrapped because the interior was 'drenched in spunk'.
BMW's brand new M5 has stunned road testers with its performance, handling and a remarkable 11 separate modes for the car's seven-speed SMG sequential gearbox. However, despite claims that this is simply "too many" modes, engineers in Munich are said to be hard at work on even more selectable options for future versions of the semi-manual transmission. "You can never have too many modes," said one high-ranking engineeringer. "That's why the next generation SMG will come with over 100 user selectable settings, almost all of them bafflingly pointless. To begin with there will be some fairly obvious choices such as 'Sport' which offers a more aggressive change strategy, 'Track Sport' which offers even more aggressive change strategy, and 'Club Sport' which offers a change strategy so aggressive that on every upchange the car will literally smack the driver in the face with a big club. These settings will be joined by other sport modes including 'Lucozade Sport', 'Sky Sport' and 'Dickie Davies' World Of Sport'"
However, our Munich source says that this is just the tip of a very silly, gearbox-related iceberg. "The real developments for the next SMG system will come in automatic mode," he claims. "Traditional autoboxes typically feature just a simple 'Winter' mode. We will take this to the next logical step with 'Spring', 'Summer' and 'Autumn' modes, plus additional settings including 'Drizzle', 'Light Breeze', 'Slightly Overcast' and 'Oooh, It's Mild For The Time Of Year' modes".
Our BMW spy also claims that further developments may include modes selectable on the basis of the driver's mood, including 'Comfort', 'Tired', 'Bloody Annoyed' and 'Strangely Wistful'. However, he denied recent rumours that we may also in future see a 'Shouldn't You Have Decided On The Car's Settings For Us Since You're The Fucking Engineers' mode.
STOP PRESS: There was anger at BMW last night following the return of a new M5 press car used for an Autocar road test. Munich sources say the vehicle may have to be scrapped because the interior was 'drenched in spunk'.
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