EBMCS03

http://media.animal.discovery.com/fansites...309_winner.html

Iceman

KEWL!

That bird is unbelievable!

EBMCS03

No. 2

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot. "What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute Steal at only $20 "Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks. "Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity". "Oh, I don?t mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it?ll be a laugh having a profane parrot".
So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home. Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman. "F==k me, a new brothel and a new madam" "I?m not a madam and this isn't a brothel,? scolds the woman trying not to laugh.
A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home. "Un-f==king-believable. A new brothel, a new madam, and now two new prostitutes" says the parrot when he sees the daughters. "Mum, tell your parrot to shut-up, we're not prostitutes" complains the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.
A short while later, the woman's husband Dave comes home. "Un-f==cking-credible, a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes, but the same old clients..... How ya doin', Dave?"

alohalc

Iceman

IrishEyes

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the parrot's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the parrot's attitude by constantly saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to clean up the bird's vocabulary.

Finally John was fed up and yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back.

John shook the parrot and the parrot got even angrier and more rude.

John in desperation threw up his hands and grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then, suddenly, there was total quiet, not a peep was heard.

Fearing that he had hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arm and said:

"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for any inappropriate transgressions. I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. He was about to ask the parrot why he had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour,.......
but the bird continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?"

Iceman

pbsaj

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Look, it's not the same hat!"

"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table!"

"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean -- with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.

After a week the parrot said, "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"

Iceman

IrishEyes

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around,looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in hissack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze.When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I am just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me huh? Who the hell are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?"

The bird promptly answered, "Probably the same kind of people that would name a Rotweiller Jesus..."