Alternative English
01-01-2005, 05:32 AM
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My Ride: Collected Sept 2009 - BMW E90 M3, Silverstone II, Novillo Black leather, 19" M Double-Spoke alloys, High Beam Assist, Electronic Damper Control, Voice Control, PDC, USB, DAB, High Gloss Shadowline, Sliding armrest, Trim Finishing in aluminium grey.
For those who appreciate the intricacies of the English language....
The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of this year's winning entries:
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Thespian (n), a Lesbian actress.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
15. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
16. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
17. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist
The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of this year's winning entries:
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Thespian (n), a Lesbian actress.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
15. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
16. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
17. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist
01-01-2005, 10:49 AM
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Dogs also play a role in literature....just not the role you thought!
Bull Mastiff=massive stiffy
Cocker Spaniel=Spanish dandy
Doberman Pinscher=German male sexual advances
Labrador Retriever=those girls with retrieving labias
Llasa Apso=in any language, "you take care of my Llasa, I'll take care of your Apso".
Bichon Frise=High-maintenance, cold-hearted b##ch
Mexican Hairless=dark haired beauty with no hair in all the right places
Irish Setter=the lassie infatuated with the upright sitting position
Longhaired Windhound=mother-in-law
Shorthaired Windhound=mother-in-law's mother
Bull Mastiff=massive stiffy
Cocker Spaniel=Spanish dandy
Doberman Pinscher=German male sexual advances
Labrador Retriever=those girls with retrieving labias
Llasa Apso=in any language, "you take care of my Llasa, I'll take care of your Apso".
Bichon Frise=High-maintenance, cold-hearted b##ch
Mexican Hairless=dark haired beauty with no hair in all the right places
Irish Setter=the lassie infatuated with the upright sitting position
Longhaired Windhound=mother-in-law
Shorthaired Windhound=mother-in-law's mother
01-01-2005, 11:44 AM
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My Ride: [i][b][u]Since 19 august 2004[/u][/b][/i]: [color=red][b]530i[/b] High Executive[/color], Silvergray with beige interior, Popular wood, Servotronic, Sportssuspension, electric foldable and dimmed mirrors, dimmed interior mirror, pappelmaser braun wood, cupholders, styling 123 18" wheels, Logic 7, Steptronic, alarm class 3, electric sunscreen in the rear and suncreens for sidewindows, Comfort seats, heated seats, Xenon with headlightwashers, Adaptive corner lights ALC, Advanced airconditioning, lightpackage, Nav Pro, 6 cd changer, side airbags rearseats, bluetooth siemens S55, chrome kidneys, gearlever with wood, voice recognition retrofit, front windshield with green band.
Waiting for trunkopener button from Hobi :)
Very funny and a nice approach of English for me! 
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