I requested that the dealer no twash or wax my car before pick-up, i will wax it as soon as I get home. My question is what kind of washing detergent should I use before I wax.

I didn't use any. The car was pretty clean and I just rinsed the surface and wiped her down before waxing.

Do not use any detergent on your car. Detergent will totally strip your paint of any protection, and dry out the paint, and when you wax it, you won't be able to get to certain areas so they'll be unprotected. I use Zymol Clear Auto Bathe--not cheap, but it lasts a long time:
http://www.zymol.com/clear2.htm

Zymol is the way to go. Use the Zymol Clear followed by field glaze. It makes it looks like its just been waxed. :thumbsup: